Why Does Every Conversation Turn Into a Fight – and What Can You Do About It?

It’s not about what you talk about — it’s about how.

He asks a simple question — and she already feels attacked.

She brings up something sensitive — and he immediately gets defensive.

Within two minutes, you’re arguing again. Sounds familiar?

If every attempt to talk ends in shouting, cold silence, or someone walking out,

it may mean that you’re not fighting over “nothing.”

It may be that you just can’t reach each other right now.

A fight isn’t the problem — it’s a symptom

Many couples tell me:

“We can’t communicate. Every conversation turns into a fight.”

But the truth is — there is communication.

It’s just painful. Reactive. Triggered.

Recurring arguments are often a sign of something deeper:

unspoken pain, unmet needs, or fear that hasn’t been given space.

And when there’s no safe way to talk — it explodes outward.

What’s really going on beneath the surface?

• One partner feels unheard — so they raise their voice

• The other feels attacked — so they shut down or push back

• Each one holds tightly to their side — instead of listening to what’s really hurting

The fight itself isn’t the issue.

It’s a desperate attempt to connect.

To be heard. To feel understood.

But the tools just aren’t working anymore.

In couples therapy, you learn a different way to talk

Many couples come to me saying:

“We just can’t talk without it turning into a fight.”

But after a few sessions, they begin to say — sometimes for the first time —

what really hurts.

And often, they can also listen without immediately going into defense mode.

In therapy, we slow things down.

We look at the patterns.

And we begin to build a new kind of dialogue —

one that’s less reactive, more curious.

In summary

If every conversation turns into a fight,

it doesn’t mean the relationship is wrong —

it means the way you’re trying to talk needs support.

Therapy offers a safe space to talk where both of you are protected,

where emotions are respected,

and where you can pause before things spiral again.

If you feel like it’s no longer possible to talk without it ending badly —

this may be time to ask:

What’s really going on between us?

That’s what I’m here for.